Anyways, so I left to get my contact lenses last night as they came in yesterday afternoon. I then had a lovely salad dinner at a restaurant next door. I went to Waldenbooks and got "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown. I'm halfway through and wish I had it with me right now. I could NOT put that book down last night. Which is why I went to bed late.
Yeah, so I know I keep bitching about stuff, and I say, "Hey, I need to change my situation." and then i do nothing about it. I absolutely detest when people keep bitching about the same stuff over and over again and do nothing to change it. So, in an effort to not be like this I have 2 options: change it or stop bitching about it :)
So, the question then becomes, how do I change it? Is moving back to West Palm signaling defeat? I don't think I can stay here in Fort Myers. I hate that it is starting to get so busy, turning into a new West Palm. At least I know it's crazy in WPB and can accept that fact and have many options to get around major traffic issues. Or, do I move elsewhere where I am not even guaranteed a place to live? If I move back there many of my bills will increase (namely car insurance and housing, unless I move in with my parents again *sigh*).
So, I am thinking more and more that moving back to WPB is not an option at this point. I don't think I can handle that anymore. I mean, I miss it, but I think more than anything I miss the comfort of knowing where everything is, all the back roads, all my family is there. Hell, there are times I almost miss the Catholic Church, namely, the rituals involved with going to mass. I know that we crave stability and ritual, change is bad. Heather was making the point that we are wasting our 20s away. We aren't hanging out with this large group of friends made at the local dive bar that changes in and out constantly based on the ebb and flow of relationships. Instead, we are going to dinner parties at peoples' houses eating fancy salad and drinking chardonnay (for the record, there was fancy salad, but no chardonnay, only water, served out of a carafe). You aren't supposed to do that until you are in your late 30s or early 40s!!! (these are heather's words here)
I kind of got over the bar/club scene around the age of 19. What can I say? I am not a fan of screaming a conversation over "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" or "Sweet Home Alabama". So, where do I go? Do I find others who share a love of dinner parties? Do I join a local Yahoo! Group and see if I can make friends with other socially inept people? Am I truly THAT socially inept or do I just think I am because I prefer to hang out in my house in my pajamas talking to text on the screen? Maybe I don't fit anywhere. I AM DOOMED TO WANDER THE EARTH LIKE THE GUY IN KUNG FU!!!
Maybe I should just suck it up and move back to WPB to be around my family again. Or, I can just suck it up and stay here. I know parilous wants me to move to AZ, and that does sound like fun, but I don't know if I can be that far away from my family, at least not while the kids are so small, of course, they would probably be more in need of me (if at all) when they are older. After all,I'm the cool aunt and Heather is the cool uncle. We are talking about taking the kids to Disney in a few years and getting a room at the animal lodge where the animals are like right outside your balcony. That would be awesome but then again, it would probably be something that would be more memorable for them around like 9 or 10 years of age (I don't know if *I* can wait that long to get a room to look at the giraffes).
So, I think what it boils down to is, I have no clue what *I* want. I know that I want my own place for a while. Even if it is just a year. Just a place that is mine. I can watch what I want, take a shower on MY time, Vera can roam freely. I can cook a dinner on my time, not have to hurry it up or wait until they are done. I just think I'd be happier on my own for a while, since I haven't really ever had a chance to do that. The big question is...where to do it.
So, I warned you, rambling :)
I need to get some work done...I've already wasted half the morning. TONS TO DO !!