LocaKitty (locakitty) wrote,
LocaKitty
locakitty

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My favorite open letter on mcsweeneys.net


AN OPEN LETTER TO EVERYONE WHO, WHEN APPROACHING THE DOOR TO THE OFFICE SUITE WHERE I AM THE RECEPTIONIST, TURNS THE HANDLE DOWN, THEN PUSHES THE DOOR IN, THEREBY CAUSING A LOUD OBNOXIOUS BANGING SOUND, LOOKS UP AT ME WITH FEAR AND FRUSTRATION IN THEIR EYES, TURNS THE HANDLE UP THIS TIME, BUT STILL PUSHES THE DOOR IN, CAUSING THAT SAME OBNOXIOUS BANGING SOUND, GIVING ME THE SAME TERRIFIED LOOK, THEN RINGS THE DOORBELL, WHICH IS EVEN LOUDER AND MORE PIERCING, THEN STANDS THERE, PETRIFIED, ANGRY AT MY INCOMPETENCE TO UNLOCK THE DOOR WITH THE REMOTE-CONTROL DEVICE.

March 22, 2005

To you people,

Pull.

PULL the door open. Turn the handle any old way you want. But then PULL. Don't push. Stop pushing the door. Pull. Pull it. The door will open if you pull it. I can't stand that banging sound. No, it's not locked. It's unlocked. I unlocked it. Yes, I see you there. And I unlocked it. It works. The battery is not dead. I checked. I'm not playing a trick on you. Stop looking at me like that. And stop ringing the doorbell. Just pull. Pull the door.

Pull.
Pull.
Pull.

Pull,
Kurt Chiang
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