June 11th, 2007

Work Related Anger

Just a friend

Yep. That's me. Friend. Always and for fucking ever. Just a motherfucking friend.

Thanks to M for nachos, beer and an ear to let me vent about this bullshit.

I told him, "You do realize that all this is for you, right?" I motioned to the shirt I spent three hours at the mall looking for, not to mention the JEWELRY that I was wearing.

"No, I didn't know. But, I appreciate it." As he took a look at the cleavage I was flashing.

Yep. Just a friend. *sigh*

I didn't even want to go to this fucking dinner tonight. I went for two reasons: 1) he would be there and 2) my bosses wanted me to go to this event.

I spent all this time and effort on this and for being told that I am just a friend.

I walked him to his car and asked him straightforward, "I need to know. Do you think that this could go somewhere. I'm not talking about sex. That is the furthest thing from my mind. I am talking about sitting on the couch watching a football game. Together."

"I'm sorry. I just, I see you as a friend. That's it."

WHY?

What is it that I don't have? I don't understand? Is it looks? Seriously? Is that all it is? Why am I crying over this? I didn't shed this many tears when my maternal grandmother died.

Shout out to Mariah for nachos, beer and a sympathetic ear.

Luckily, I can still hold my head up high tomorrow morning during the meeting and pretend that none of this ever happened.

I hate this. I really do.

If I didn't have a low opinion of myself before, I definitely do now. I know, logically, that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm fairly attractive (I think), smart, funny and a good person. I am willing to give you the shirt off my back if I think it would help you out. But, why the fuck? C'mon? Seriously? Why?
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