I've discarded quite a few entries. I don't want to burden people with my "angst" and "wallowing." Then again, I guess no one has to read it. :)
Part of me wants to just curl into a little ball and cry, but what good would that do? Not much. Just make my eyes puffy and give me a headache. I'll figure something out, I usually do, I just hope it's not too late when I do. I wonder if GMAC will cut me slack for a month. Doubtful. You know what seems to help? Watching COPS and America's Most Wanted. At least I'm not on television being arrested or murdered or wanted for murder. If anything the guy who said his wife was actually his niece and she can't seem to answer whether or not he's related or not. Oh, and he's driving with a suspended license. Yeah...I saw that and realized I have it pretty well together.
Got two rejection letters today, one from the City, which I was expecting and one from this place where a former coworker of April's works. I guess that letter from him won't help me that much. :) I'll email him and let him know. I just applied for a crapload of jobs on jobing.com. I hope I "qualify" for at least one of them. Hell, I even applied to work at Target as a "team leader." Yeah, I can be a team leader. I will then be living a George Lopez comedy act. I like to live up to my Mexicaness.
Tomorrow, I go to the library to pick up some audiobooks so I have stuff to listen to while I enter data for eight hours. woof. I hope I can stay awake. At least there is coffee there. Oh, and I think I have some spare change for POP TARTS!! Actually, I found that gift certificate that I got earlier for WalMart, it still has $19 on it, so that's some food for the week. Thankfully, it's a short week, so I don't need much to get by. Just some bread for PB&J, maybe some more pasta...and POP TARTS! :)
I'm going to try to get through this on my own. I am hoping I don't have to call anyone for a loan. It's a point of pride and I don't like being in debt to people. Creditors, sure whatever, they are nameless/faceless entities. But, I kind of feel like if I have to ask for help from my family/friends it just shows that I can't keep it together on my own. You know, loser, lamer, deadbeat, etc. I know these things aren't true, but, sometimes those words start to pile around in my head and just sit there and ferment and fester. It's kind of gross. It gets bad when I read about how great my friends are doing and makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life. I know it's totally irrational, but I can't help it.
Anyways, I'm going to shut off comments for this post. I don't want it to be like I'm digging for attention or whatever, honestly, I'm not. I just kind of need to get stuff off my mind.
music: America's Most Wanted