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12:59am 24/12/2005
So much for leaving work at 11 tonight. At 10:30 we got 3, yes THREE, calls for deliveries and the other driver had just finished running his end of day stuff. So, I got to take them all. I didn't get back to the store until 11:30. *sigh* I was greeted with some dishes and the cook telling me that the other driver didn't bother taking out the garbage. Nice.

I had a beer with a few of the people there, including HAM, and I realized that even though I bother trying to get to know these people better as people not just coworkers, I am met with resistance. So, I decided to stop bother trying. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be friendly and pleasant, but I won't bother trying to invite people into my life outside of work. There's no point, obviously. This goes for HAM as well.

I don't know, this seems very much unlike me. I have always tried to make people feel comfortable and welcome and to know that they can come to me with anything and I'll be available, but I get this sense of closed-offedness (yeah, it's not a word, but it's all I can think of right now) from them. Maybe I'm just being angsty (it *is* LJ after all).

What I said earlier still applies though: I am happy I moved here. I've met some really great people and hope to continue to have good times with them. Maybe I just miss the camaraderie that I had with the people I worked with back in high school and college. Then again, I worked with those people for over a year, maybe I just haven't given it enough time.

I'm still going to pull back my efforts, however. It's mentally exhausting and I just can't spare the reserve energies that I had stored in my brain. I think if I had insurance, I'd go see a therapist. Just to have someone listen and tell me how to fix the problems. There's other stuff going on in my head, but I don't know if I'm ready to share them with all you people :) Not that I don't love you all, dear readers, but some things just have to remain locked away, at least for now.

Or maybe i just need to get laid. ;)
mood: deep thoughtsdeep thoughts
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(no subject)
05:10pm 24/12/2005 (UTC)
I agree with what Matt said -- some people are more comfortable with modular relationships. Until recently, you would never find me saying anything bad about work around coworkers; and even now, I won't say stuff around certain people because of their relationship with the bosses.

I have a couple "friends groups" IRL (e.g., coworkers, old friends, ampf friends, LJ friends). You are the most versatile friend among those groups. You can hang out with coworker groups (both Peace and Erika), you can hang out with LJ people (obviously), and you can hang out with the old friends group.

I don't know many people like that at all. I think you're unique in that way, in your approach to be laid-back and open to new people from new backgrounds, with new sets of experiences.

So, don't take it hard when you run into resistance. People are probably more like me (compartmentalizing) than you (flexible).
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