LocaKitty (locakitty) wrote,

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Do I need to prove myself?

Or, is this just something that I *think* I have to do because I work mostly with men doing "manly" things (i.e. heavy lifting and math).

I got a bit miffed that I still have not been given the chance to become a forklift operator. Honestly, the only reason I want to drive a forklift is because I think it's pretty effin' cool. I mean, c'mon, it's a piece of heavy machinery that lifts heavy things and you drive them around. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!!?!?!?

Anyways, I talked to BR about my lack of licensing and how I don't want to feel it's because I'm a woman, but it's hard not to feel that. Also, sometimes I feel like I'm not taken seriously or I am treated just a bit more "sensitively" because of my sex. He tells me that the forklift thing is because now there are 3 people in our department who are allowed to drive the forklift. The thing is, the New Guy doesn't really feel comfortable on the forklift and seems to be too nervous to want to try and learn more about it. I am chomping at the bit to get training on this mofo. Anyways, so I sulked a bit about that. I know, I know, not very mature, but whatever.

Another reason it sticks in my craw that NG was able to get this privilege is that he was formally taught the inventory system. Now, just based on observations, I know how to track and run the inventory. I don't know the minutiae of it, but I know the basic facts. Instead, NG gets taught the system and is the fallback person in case of absence of the guy who normally does it. That kind of sticks in my craw. BR says, "They didn't want you to 'be under' Ron. Because he's an asshole."
"I know how to deal with assholes, this is not an issue with me."
"They just felt it would be mean to make you have to deal with him during the training."

I just shook my head.

Later in the day, I brought it up to my boss that some parts still didn't have paperwork and they were slated to be shipped out today. He tells me that Ron never gave him the paper so he do the shipment.
"Um, he told you he needed the paper, but you told him that you would get it because it was in your stack to be filed."
"Oh. Right."
"I take the blame for the other one, I thought you had told John that it was going, so I didn't persue it."
"Ah. Ok."


There is a pallet of chassis that is also slated to go out the door, but no one has given a count, or paperwork or anything. Seeking to get it settled and hearing the conversation regarding the parts, I say, "There are 34." I repeat myself about 3 times. BR yells to NG, "Hey, how many are there?" And I shout, "34!! 8 at 4 and 1 at 2!"

That just pushed me over the edge, because I am standing here giving them the answer that they need so that they can move this shit out the door and instead they are just standing around comparing dick sizes. I told BR this later in the afternoon when he asked me why I was so angry.

"I'm not angry, I'm just frustrated."
"Why are you frustrated?"
"Because I'm telling you guys the answer you need to know. I'm telling you REPEATEDLY and instead you are all just pulling your dicks out and looking at them."

He found that imagery highly amusing. I did, too.

I talked to him as we were walking out to the parking lot about how I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall because I feel like no one takes what I have to say seriously. And that, if I don't have a fucking smile plastered on my face at all times then something OBVIOUSLY is wrong. I can't be on 11 all the time, and I've told him that. I've told all of the guys that so that they don't freak out when I'm not Molly Happy Sunshine Pants one day or another.

I also have to explain that, no, it's not hormones, or that time of the month or girl time or whatever, it's just A HUMAN FUCKING EMOTION.


I guess part of my issue with NG is his behavior at the party on Saturday. Had I known that he had consumed almost an entire bottle of Jack Daniels by himself, I would have called him a cab when my boss and his wife left. Instead, I let him be rude to one of my guests (the HAM) and just generally be weird and scary. Things have been a bit strained since the party.

I digress.

So, I know that my immediate boss knows that I am capable of doing my job and leading people and making sure that they do what they are supposed to do. And that makes me happy. He has told me as much. That makes me even happier. I just feel like I have to prove that I can "hang with the guys" in doing what they do. I am just getting tired of it. *sigh*

I should really start my search for a new job again. I just don't want to do anything too rash and risk being out of work for any length of time because of the house payment.

I don't like it when things aren't lining up the way they should be.

I guess the one crowing accomplishment of my work day is that I remembered how to wrap the monkey bars. I wish I would have been able to get a picture of this thing, because it's pretty big and kind of impressive, but I think that would be a bad thing. :)

But, I think it is about the size of a Hyundai. I wrapped up a Hyundai today for transport. Go me. And I took the lead on it. That was even cooler. At least in my head.

More tomorrow about the bullshit my mom is going through with workman's comp.

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