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From mcsweeneys.net  
09:45pm 09/02/2007
 
 
LocaKitty
Morningstar Farms Veggie Breakfast Bacon Strips

Submitted by Steve DiPietro

"Enjoy the authentic smoky flavor and satisfying crisp of bacon with your favorite breakfast or in a BLT," instructs the printing on the box. Seems pretty straightfoward. But you need to read between the lines here. What the box is really telling you is to never, under any circumstances, eat this product alone. Always have it with real food, so that you don't discover the affront to nature that is the Veggie Bacon Strip.

Prompted by a vegetarian co-worker, I took a bite of what looked like a child's rendering of bacon. After catching the pieces that it broke into when I bit down, I foolishly threw them into my mouth. Now, I'll give the mad scientists at Morningstar Farms a little credit: it tasted vaguely like bacon. It tasted like what an android that is trying to fit in with us humans would imagine bacon would taste like. When hidden inside a BLT, it might even work. Eaten alone in a dark editing bay, it did not work. Was my co-worker actually an android? How many more of them were there? Is this how their infiltration would be exposed? By me, here in this room, eating what feels like petrified carpet cushioning with a hint of bacon flavor? Did his eyeball just take a picture of me? It did. Why did I trust a vegetarian?

Morningstar Farms also makes a Veggie Breakfast Sausage, both in link form and as a patty.
mood: amusedamused
 
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(no subject)
 footnotefetish
 
07:01am 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
Why We Cite: Nice Falafel
Personally, I'm quite happy when my food doesn't taste, smell, or feel like a carcass.
picword: Nice Falafel
 
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(no subject)
 locakitty
 
07:07am 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
LocaKitty
That's because you're a granolavore.

It's ok, I still love you.
 
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(no subject)
 footnotefetish
 
07:18am 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
Why We Cite: Fiery Blimp
You don't love me. You just love my veggie dog style.
picword: Fiery Blimp
 
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(no subject)
 locakitty
 
07:35am 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
LocaKitty
I prefer the firm organic tofu.
 
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(no subject)
 footnotefetish
 
02:42pm 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
Why We Cite: Swedish Candy
Do you like it when it's garnished with sprouts?
picword: Swedish Candy
 
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(no subject)
 locakitty
 
03:48pm 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
LocaKitty
I have no preference.
 
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 cmdavi_70
 
05:26pm 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
I'll give you a hint; it's not "Skip.": McD's Sign
I think choosing not to eat meat is totally cool. But, I've also noticed that what's marketed to vegetarians is often way sketchier, not only flavor-wise but in terms of its Franken-ingredients. Some of the same people I hear being self-righteous about meat-eating still eat food cooked in animal fat or otherwise genetically modified. I'd personally rather eat good cuts of meat than something bio-engineered in Jersey to trick my brain into thinking I'm eating bacon.

Hmm, bacon...d'oh!
picword: McD's Sign
 
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(no subject)
 carazona
 
10:35pm 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
Ok now just a minute...i'm a vegetarian. LOL But ok seriously, i'm a vegetarian because i've always, since i was a kid HATED meat of any kind, it just disgusts me. So i always like all the fake stuff because it really DOES taste fake. Or it doesn't even try to imitate meat, it just makes "veggie patties' and stuff like Garden Burger brand. But once I tried Morning Star sausage patties and it tasted so real to me, it literally made me sick. The only thing i ever LIKED in the way of real meat, was hot dogs, so i get the morning star brand of those because i don't mind that they seem real.

Not that any of this matters since you aren't trying to become vegetarian or anything but i just wanted to throw my 2 cents in there. hehe Good job for trying it tho, most people won't even do that!
picword: daymer
 
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(no subject)
 locakitty
 
11:17pm 10/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
LocaKitty
hahahah no no no...*I* didn't write that. I posted it from McSweeneys.net.

I've had Tofurkey, and it's pretty groovylicious.

:)
 
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curious
 totemstothesun
 
04:05am 12/02/2007 (UTC)
 
 
Even as a meat-eater, I hated the taste of breakfast sausage (and this from a fat kid who didn't turn down ANY food-like substance), but I find the Morningstar Farms breakfast sausage scrumptious.
 
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