LocaKitty (locakitty) wrote,

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I'm feeling a bit more confident in my abilities to do this job. It's not unusual for me to be hesitant to take on new challenges. I'm so afraid of failure that I just sit back and take whatever is handed to me. Or I realize too late that it would be in my best interest to perform certain tasks. High school was like that. I spent most of my four years not really caring about the future until it was a little too late.

I graduated, but didn't perform well enough on two of my finals to clinch the IB diploma, but well enough that I got a semester's worth of credit for university. I would like to note that they no longer offer IB Chemistry. The test was too hard. Seriously. I got a 3 (the scale goes to 7, 3 is passing) and the smartest kid in the class only got a 4. We would go to him for help when the teacher was busy, that's how good this kid was in Chemistry. So, in a way, I took the harder road and failed. I don't regret taking that class. I didn't want biology, I didn't want to hack into an animal. I had enough trouble with the frog my freshman year. I had to take the lead on that one because everyone else was too squeamish to handle it.

And that's how it was in college. I decided my first semester to go crazy and take all honors classes. WTF was I thinking? My not so stellar GPA helped me realize that that wasn't a good idea. It wasn't until my sophomore year that I was kicked out of the program because of academic failings. I didn't "fail" any classes, but I didn't have a high enough GPA to stay in the program. I was okay with that though. I figured, well, at least I tried. At least, that's what I told myself. I do feel a little bad about it now, but in the long run, I don't know if having stayed in the program would have helped me land a better job or take a different path. Let's face it, I'm a bit of an underachiever. Is it laziness? The thing is is that I will step up to the plate if no one else is willing or able to handle the task (see the frog above) but that's usually the only time.

Anyways, after getting through paperwork and scheduling yesterday, only forgetting one thing (had to make a new report blank for the week...duh!) I am beginning to feel a bit more confident in the paperwork side of doing things. I'm still apprehensive of how things will be after G leaves, but I am trying to draw on that ability to get it done if no one else is able to or just won't do it.

So, I'm going to apologize in advance if I seem neglectful of my friendships for the next few weeks or even months, while I try to get things moving in a nice flow. I like routine, I don't really like surprises (well, good ones are okay) and I like that I have a sleeping kitty on my lap. I also make a promise to be at 3 out of 4 brunches every month. I figure I'll set my standards low that way I can feel I've exceeded them when I make it to every brunch. :)

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