He needed to use the restroom and found a present from one of the cooks for SJ. He left a log, if you will, in the bowl for SJ to find along with a note, "Sealed with a kiss, love R" Nice, huh?
So, we headed to Plush and had a few beers and talked about Kids in the Hall, med school, psychotic chicks and poo. Good times. As we were leaving, we came across to very inebriated guys. One guy, black jacket (BJ) was trying to get someone to convince his even more inebriated friend, Red Shirt (RS) to get a cab home. I decided that for the safety of the entire city, that this was a cause worth fighting for. I was dialing 411 from my phone (at a charge, no less) to get the number for Yellow Cab when I saw a Discount Cab approaching. I flagged him and asked him if he would be of some assistance in getting these two guys into a cab to be taken home. He seemed willing, especially when he found out they lived about 10-15 miles away from where we were. I don't blame the guy one bit, the people he must deal with trump any of our customers on any given day. BJ was keen on this, but needed help convincing RS. I went back to RS who was on his cell phone and who had professed his love for me only moments ago and told him that the cab driver was here to take him home. He told me to get the fuck out of his face.
"That's not a very nice thing to say to someone you said you loved."
"I never said I loved you."
"Okay then. Regardless, your friend wants to help you and you should get into this cab for him."
"All right then. Who are you talking to on your cell phone?"
"I'm calling a cab."
"Well, the cab's already here!"
"That guy is blah blah blah"
Right, no way to reason with the guy, he thinks that unicorns are going to appear at any minute.
BJ is just asking that we not call the cops. I told him he had no reason to fear that, i just wanted to help. HAM seemed to want to leave, but I felt some need to make sure that these fucktards got home safely. Mostly to protect whatever four year old was going to be killed on this fine Monday evening if either of them decided to operate that monstrosity of a SUV they were driving. Perhaps it was the mama bear in me, I don't know. Then RS started to get in HAM's face. I told him to back off. He called me a fat bitch.
"Is that the best you've got?"
I continued speaking to BJ and telling him, "Listen. I know you want to help your friend, but I think in this instance, it would be best if you just got yourself a cab and let him crash into a telephone poll." (btw, I didn't say that exactly, but wouldn't it have been awesome?)
RS starts to get in my face. I tell him to back off. He doesn't.
I grab him by the throat and throw him to the ground. The shocked look on his face will live in my mind forever and ever. It was the most awesome thing. His friend, BJ, was even more shocked. I turned back to him, "I really think you should ditch him and just get a cab for yourself. He is not going to listen to reason."
Then the cook showed up. R. The one who left the present in the toilet. I walked over to his car and said, "Hey, how's it going?"
"You guys need a ride?"
"No. Just trying to help them to get a cab. But, let me tell you this, if you ever do that again, what you did tonight to SJ, I will do to you what I did to that guy over there. I just threw him on the ground by the throat. She told you once, it wasn't funny. Guess what? It's not funny. Do I make myself clear?"
"Great. Have a good night. Drive home safely."
THAT more than anything, felt the best.
Of course, throwing a guy onto the ground felt pretty awesome, too. I'm kind of amped up. We left them there after I hailed yet another cab for them. I know they didn't take it because, when I drove by, their car was gone. I'm sorry Universe. I tried. But, there is no reasoning with a drunk.
HAM, again, I'm sorry, but, like I said (wow, that's a lot of commas) I went mama bear. I didn't need you getting into a fight for something that I felt I should do for the universe. :) *hugs*