"I do apologize but I am unable to access your account at this time as our systems are updating."
So, this evening I had to explain to:
1) no, i can not change your price plan right now. not even if you beg, plead, offer me bribes of 70 virgins, 40 acres and a mule. Nope, can't do it. You can't do it, either. Know why? Because the systems are updating. I do apologize for the inconvenience, but you are SOL. Next time, don't wait until after midnight on Sunday to do a plan change. If this is something that you have done for the past few weeks then you would remember: THE SYSTEMS UPDATE AT MIDNIGHT EASTERN TIME EVERY SUNDAY.
2) i understand that you were screwing around with your phone (RTFM) and accidentally set it up on NAM2 and now you don't know the lock code. You don't know the lock code because you set up the capability of another phone number being able to be on your phone. I don't know WHY they allow this feature on prepaid phones (seriously, WTF?) but they do. No, I can't access your account right now. See #1 as to how much I can not access your account right now. Yes sir, in the morning 6 a.m. eastern who ever answers the phone can help you. No, it won't be me, I go home in an hour. Why are you up at 2 a.m. resetting your phone. read the manual for fuck's sake. no, i can't unlock your phone, i don't know the new phone number you activated on your phone so i can't help you right now i can't access your account.
3) that sucks that you got hit with a $9.99 fee for a premium text messaging service. you should probably stop playing on the mobile web and putting your phone number on facebook or whatever the hell else you were doing on your phone. yeah, totally sucks. sorry, i can't access your account right now to set this right. no, i can't note in the account what the issue is because i can't access your account. but you know what...you actually caught yourself after you asked me that, "Of course not, you can't get in! Duh!" and i love you for that.
4) it is almost 3 in the morning...WHY OH WHY ARE YOU PLAYING ON YOUR DAMN PHONE? GO TO BED DAMMIT! Seriously? you want to seek credits at 3 in the morning because of whatever "emergency" is going on in your life. firstly, we don't do "courtesy credits" and secondly...I CAN'T ACCESS YOUR FUCKING ACCOUNT.
I have a feeling that Sundays are going to be the death of me. i wanted to headdesk after every phone call. so bad. dear lord in heaven.