LocaKitty (locakitty) wrote,

Lady business TMI, do not read until you see me say "NO MORE LADY BUSINESS"

Don't say I didn't warn you:
Since about mid-March I have been dealing with an itchy cooter. Some days it was okay, some days I wanted to take a Brillo pad to her to relieve the itching. She calmed down enough for me to have lots of good times while I was in Vegas, so that was nice, but then she said, "Oh, hey, remember all the fun you had? Time to pay the piper, bitch." and I was all, "Oh COME ON! Again?" I went to a new lady doctor and she said, "Holy cow there is some craziness going on down here." She did her swabs and swipes and pinches and threw some glitter in there and I was on my way. She ordered labs for all kinds of stuff, and finally, I get the test results for the itchy, angry lady. It's a yeast infection and vaginitis. What? Really? This is the weirdest yeast infection I've ever encountered, but okay, fine. They called in some meds for me, but one of them was going to be penicillin. I'm allergic. Oopsy! So, just the flucanozole (DiFlucan) for now.
But there is more! The PAP came back abnormal. I have to go back in for further tests. Some sort of test where they pinch my cervix and smack it around and tie it up and tease it with feathers. Who knew gynecology was so freaky? This is the first time I've ever had an abnormal PAP, so of course I'm freaking out. But, on the inside. I know that sometimes they can come back abnormal due to testing errors or whatever, but I'm just hoping that I don't need to go through a biopsy or anything.


On to other medical issues. As some of you know, I fell off the vegan wagon. Really hard. Oh goat cheese, why do you tempt me with your creaminess? That kind of stuff. :)
Lady doctor says, "Hmmmm, let's do a test for insulin resistance because I'm seeing some skin discoloration here that is a good indicator for that sort of thing. And we'll just test for other stuff while we're at it." Yaay! Blood work! Fasting! Wheeeeee!

Off I go to the lab a few days later. It's a 2 hour glucose test. You drink some nasty flat orange soda with a cup of sugar added to make you want to puke, then you wait for 2 hours. It's as horrid as it sounds. My glucose was...ready? 400. It should be around 85-140 for a "normal" person. 400 is a medical emergency. The kicker is that I feel fine. The bigger joke in all this: I can't see a doctor until July 1st. That's when they can schedule me because my insurance doesn't cover a nurse practitioner. I have the HealthNet employer plan. Hardly anyone takes the Community plan, apparently. I was told I can call to see if something opens up, though. I'll call on my days off from work to see if something has opened up. That's pretty exciting.

I am interested to see what the doctor is going to say. And in the meantime, I'm going back to no dairy/meat for most of the days. I don't have it in the house, that's for sure. I know they are going to want to put me on medication again, and that's fine. For now. I don't want to take the statins they are going to prescribe for the cholesterol. Those make me feel horrible. I'm not going to go through my day feeling worse because that is supposed to make me feel "better".

Through all this, the lady doctor is going to see if I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome. This is a good reason why I'll get to a certain point with weight loss and then, the brakes just get thrown. And the scale won't budge. No matter what I do. This, honestly, is the only reason I'm willing to work with meds again. To see if I can get the brakes to stop being applied as soon as I start making some progress.

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